The Replicant’s Lament
When they came to the village
we young men hid.
For twenty years now
we had been at war
and some of us
were looking for a way out.
“Go to the Pakistani border
because Iran’s not safe.
Sneak inside a truck and maybe
you’ll make it through”.
Almost there, but the last
fifty feet, a road block:
laughing soldiers
peered inside and forced us out.
No, they wouldn’t take our
miserable bribes
One looked at me and mocked me
“Ehi! Good looking,
I think I know someone
who has a job for you!”
And my fate was sealed.
Yes, I was taken out of the country
and they groomed and trained
my shepherd ways out of my body.
Fancy barracks
New languages
Orders and high life
Like a Sultan I was to behave.
Straighten your back!
Put fire in your eyes!
Your lip! Make it stiff
with pride and disdain!
Remember, you are not
some shepherd boy
from the village!
You are the future Caliph
himself!
Put some fierceness
in your eye, you stupid sheep!
And day after day
for years
until I forgot my nature
but didn’t really know
my mission.
My beard grew gray
my cheek caved in
as my bites were counted
No wife, no family for me
I was just the shadow, spare parts.
My mother long ago mourned my death
like that of the neighbor boy
crushed in the underside of a truck in Venice
with his poems hidden on his body
protecting his soul.
My father figured I hadn’t
even crossed the mountains
I was such a klutz
with my long skinny body
uncoordinated like a dancer
after an opium fest.
And so the years passed
and I thought “What a waste
of my life and their money
When will death release me?
When suddenly the Captain
called me in to a have a little talk
“In appreciation for your long
years of service
your loyalty
and good nature
we have decided
to reward you
with a palace
and a new life.
No, you won’t be able
to leave the compound
And, yes, we’ll get you
a woman, maybe three
two older and a young one,
your favorite
Hell, we’ll even throw in
some kids,
a real family life.
We believe in family values,
Don’t we all?
And you know, funny thing is
the young one
is even happy, we got her away from her village
and two brothers like hawks
that wouldn’t leave her side
we had to shoot them dead
But you know the rules
Your life is inside
You’ll have your slice of happiness
not too far from
your old place of birth.
We’ve fed you
we’ve housed you
you have known
no want
for all these years
Now one last effort
maybe in a while
you’ll be free.
So like the rich man I never met
but whose shadow I was to be
I had 500 dollars sewn inside my clothes
phone numbers in my pockets
and could even play
on a computer
though no internet
was allowed.
Days turned into weeks
weeks into months
months into years
in my barbed wire palace
and even got to joke
with the guards
they too from a village
but from the Pakistan side.
And then one night
suddenly
a bullet through my brain.
It turned out the one they had on ice
in the cryogenics facility in Emeryville
when they put a bullet
through his dead head
his brain splattered in
an unnatural way
So it was no good for the pictures
and even worse for the funeral video
But me, I was fresh and natural
and splattered just right
for the whole world to see.
Too bad they had to dump me fast
with weights on my legs
like the prey of a Mafia hit man
hoping no whale would come by
and create a biblical incident.
I’m happy my mother still believes
I died embraced by our mountains
with a pine tree watching over
my lanky boy body
a hawk circling over my unmarred head
playing with my soul
Invisible to all.
Pina Piccolo, 4 May, 2011
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